How do I tell my daughter how much I love her?
How do I explain how I felt when I saw her and held her for the first time?
That overpowering feeling of love like no other could ever be;
looking into her beautiful big blue eyes searching my face.
Bringing her home and watching her grow – the most beautiful blond, blue eyed baby
you have ever seen, and she still is blue eyed and beautiful!
Her first words; her first steps; all the firsts I will never forget -
how her eyes lit up when she saw her first Christmas tree.
And how at three and four she celebrated Christmas any day of the year
wrapping dishes, toys, almost anything and presenting them to us
saying “Merry Christmas” (in July)!
Mighty Mouse with a baby blanket pinned to her shoulders
as she jumped from the chair singing “Here I come to save the day”!
Or the time she stood on the chair singing to a house full of company
“Frosty the Snowman” with “then one FROGGY Christmas eve”; so cute!
She brought such joy to everyone around her;
relatives all said “there is no way we will ever forget Donna!”
Was she smart? You bet she was and of course still is.
Winning poster contests, drawing pictures at three years of age
beyond the capabilities of a six year old.
She sang, she danced, she played and played and loved her “Barbie” dolls.
Washing her doll clothes and dishes every day;
standing on a chair at the kitchen sink; she was three.
Her first day of school – I remember her walking down the street
wearing a little blue coat and white boots holding on to her brother’s hand.
So excited she was; I don’t think she knows that I cried at that moment;
I was so overwhelmed with emotion for her and her brother.
How lucky was I to be blessed with the most beautiful children in the world!
Time marched on as it does; going so fast with so much to do.
I look back and ask “how many special moments did I miss
because I was so busy? Why didn’t I write down every wondrous and new thing she did?
Baton lessons, dancing lessons, gymnastics, organ lessons; she wanted to do it all.
Running through the sprinkler – doing cartwheels in the summer time -
so blond and so tanned; I called her my “Suntan Barbie”.
A busy young lady she was – always excelling in all that she did.
Her first spelling mistake happened in grade three.
“Don’t put this test on the fridge, Mom” she said “because I made a mistake”!
Oh my, what a little perfectionist; we had a little talk about how it is okay
to make mistakes, everybody makes them and we learn from them –
“just like you now know how to spell that word.”
“Okay” she said and ran outside to play;
I taped the test to the fridge.
When we moved to Calgary, she was so sad to say “goodbye” to her best friend, Linda,
but she was also quite excited.
I remember looking out the window and there she was sitting on the hood of our car
just waiting for people to come by so that she could say “hello” and introduce herself.
She made friends quickly and life went on.
She loved our cat, Boots, and the feeling was mutual;
he would walk her to school in the morning and leave to meet her so he could walk her home. What a cat!
Everyday after school she ran into the bedroom to see me (when my back was crazy).
She’d sit on the floor and tell me about her day;
we would talk about just about everything.
We spent lots of time together, even though I wasn’t able to go out and do
all the fun things I always dreamed about doing with her.
When I finally got well enough to work, she told me she was proud of me!
Proud of me? Well, let me tell you, I am the one who is proud of her!!
We didn’t know then what the future held for her; the battles she would have to fight.
I remember when I grounded her from watching “Donnie and Marie”.
She had been warned that if she didn’t tidy up her room before the show,
this would happen. Unfortunately for her, it happened; she couldn’t watch her favourite show!
So upset was she! Oh my goodness; the tears flowed –
it was as though the world was coming to an end!
And….., I felt terrible, but I couldn’t go back on what I had said, could I?
I think she is probably over it by now – at least I hope so.
She was the “ice maiden” of the neighbourhood one summer; think she was about 12.
All my tupperware was filled with water and frozen; the freezer was full.
She delivered fliers that advertised ice for parties, barbeques etc., and the orders came in.
Oh, the ice was available in several shapes and sizes; logs, circles, squares;
you know, just in case someone wanted ice for a punch bowl.
What a little entrepreneur pulling a wagon full of ice down the street!
Organ practice – she loved to play the organ and she did every evening after dinner.
“Donna”, I would say, “You can stop practicing now because it is bed time”.
How many 13 year old kids are like that?
She can play by ear; she played “Music Box Dancer” on the piano at her organ recital.
She was the only one who played both the organ and the piano –
I was so proud I almost burst!!
Grade nine graduation; we went shopping for a dress and shoes.
We looked and looked, and finally there it was: “the perfect cream coloured dress”.
How beautiful she looked in it with her long blond hair flowing!
All of a sudden, so grown up! When did it happen? Where did the time go?
Then on to high school and overnight (it seemed) she was moving to Toronto.
I remember crying in the elevator after she boarded her bus;
I noticed people trying not to stare at me.
I thought to myself “You idiot, people don’t cry at bus depots, only airports.”
But I know very well that is not true; I missed her terribly; she was only eighteen!
Barely sixteen, she was when her Dad and I separated.
She said “Well, Mom, at least you’re not sitting on the fence anymore”!
Such insight for someone so young!
She moved into an apartment with me and we were finally able to go shopping,
see movies and out for dinners together.
Money was scarce, but we had fun!
The day of diagnosis – I was at work waiting for her call.
I was chairing a meeting when her call came, and I couldn’t go back after the news.
I was frozen – I felt numb; this was not supposed to happen!!
Why my baby? “Oh God! Please let it not be a bad case; please let her have a good life -
the life that is just beginning – PLEASE GOD!!!
It wasn’t to be.
She says she doesn’t feel like an inspiration,
but she is; so many people tell her that.
She is brave and strong beyond belief -
anything I have gone through in my life pales in comparison
And….., how I wish it had been different for her; I’ve prayed and prayed it would be
as has her Dad, brother and all her aunties, uncles, cousins, friends.
I wish I could fix it because I would in a heartbeat; we all would.
Maybe someday we’ll know the reason for this – but really, is there one?
I am so proud of her!
She started her own business and no one ever wrote better business plans.
“MS with Attitude” website was her creation and read by many.
Did I mention what a good writer she is?
Did I mention what a good bookkeeper she is?
Did I mention what a good daughter and friend she is?
Did I mention she mentored troubled teens?
Did I mention she raised money to provide a special Christmas for a needy family?
The list goes on and on; she is a special human being
and I am blessed to be part of her life.
Memories come flooding back to me when I go to bed at night.
Donna is now 47 and I am almost 72 – time went so fast!
How do I tell her how much I love her?
I hope I just did.
With love to you, Donna darling, on your 47th birthday; I will love you with all my heart, always and always.
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment