I'm Here For A Long Time, Not A Good Time

Today I had a phone conversation with a man at Death With Dignity. I told him a bit about my situation and what happened to me after my attempt last month. He said he wishes we'd spoke before that, because he could have told me that wouldn't work. So, I'm not superhuman after all! Mixing all the pills I have wouldn't kill me, they just "mess up your system even worse" which is exactly what has happened. I still don't have my speaking voice, my bowels are messed up, I'm stiffer and weaker than ever. I was all, "but what about all the people you hear about that die from prescription drugs..." And was reminded that we don't know their health problems, how weak their hearts were, etc. etc. True dat. I'm in PERFECT health (OTHERWISE) so that can't kill me!

He told me that due to the laws in this country, which totally suck, the only way to do it legally is to starve to death (if you can't travel to that assisted suicide hospital in Switzerland, which I can't). If your family supports your decision, which they would, the hospital has to follow protocol (or you can die at home) by not giving you any nutrition. I would choose to be at home in my own bed. However, I'm extremely obese, and by the time my body ate away at my fat and actually starved, I'd be lying there for weeks and weeks. I'm NOT willing to do that. Normally, he said, it takes 10-12 days and its not as horrific as it sounds. However, I figure that due to the fact I know I'd need some water to take at least some meds for my pain and stiffness, and my size, I think it would be a loooooooong, painful process. So, there goes that idea. I have no access to firearms and no one would be willing to MURDER me, so I guess it's just not going to happen. Sigh. I'm truly upset by that, though I'm sure others are glad. 

Now what...