I'm so over this!

I'm still in the hospital. Allow me to bitch. 

I've been in here for 8 days, and it feels like months. No movement. Lying in one spot on a bed too small for me, no excercise or proper stretching (my caregivers have done their best when visiting but it's difficult in this bed), no relief from my itches, no decent sleep since that last Tuesday night, pain pain pain and suffering. Restless legs. Charlie horses and cramps in my feet and legs.  I'm so tired. Everything hurts. I have terrible veins. I've given blood at least 10 times. Always ends in tears. I'm tired of being poked and prodded. Blood thinner needles that are so bloody painful I cried for almost an hour from the pain the other night. The nurses see me suffering and I know it's hard on them, too. HOT. ITCHY. Constipated for a week followed by explosive diarrhea all day. Try having THAT flat on your back in bed. A doctor said to me "just looking at you here, you got the short end of the stick in the health department. I'm so sorry". Except all my tests come back perfect, even the ultrasound they gave my belly, so physically medically there is nothing that can be done. Thalia had a long conversation with the psychiatrist Thursday (after I'd talked to her a long time) and told her, point blank, "she won't try again because she physically CAN'T do anything. But I don't blame her one bit for trying, she has NO independence - she suffers all day - and please call CBI (the home care agency) and stress that it is imperative to her mental health that she gets some consistency with caregivers, and that they know how to speak English and know what they're doing. And stop complaining about her size and do their job." Etc. etc. 

How they think it's helping me to be here is so beyond me. I understand they have their psychiatric protocols and shit but come ON. I just want something and someone that may help me cope and sleep! I WANT TO GET HOME to my cats and have a shower. A shower! It's been 11 days!

Wifi here is non-existent and I've totally overused my dad's monthly MB on his hub. Without my visitors to charge my lifelines (iPad, iPod touch) I don't know what I'd do!

The love and support coming at me from all angles has been incredible. Y'all rock. I've had lots of caring visitors which is so nice and helpful. A decent cup of coffee and a bagel helps (food here is a lot better than the care facility, but still, it's hospital food). 

Okay enough bitching for now...